Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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