there was a trapeze. enough said
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
