My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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