I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
