theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
