): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
