just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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