accomplished twins. life is a go
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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