That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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