You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
