I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
