I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
