And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
