and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
