hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Found your dick twin last night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
COCAINE IS GR8
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
jump out the window naked night went bad
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