i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You've changed since you got that strap on
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
