I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
