Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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