The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it was like eating out sand paper
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize