I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
