And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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