Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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