is wine microwaveable?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize