Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
