Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
