I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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