I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
