i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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