I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
