Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
