Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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