yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
