It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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