If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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