she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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