sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
