and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
