I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
