Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
