i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
