I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
