guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize