This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
