there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
