pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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