i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
