I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
