she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
