A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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