My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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