My cat gives me a boner
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
