i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize