also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
