I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
