i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He has the fingertips of a God
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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