I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
