I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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