The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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