ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
People in love make me want to vomit
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
