You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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