You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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