it wasn't lemon gatorade
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
