As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
