If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
