the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
