Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize