Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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