i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sorry my hands just texted you
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
