Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
