So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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