I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
