I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
