If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
