I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
