He had one of those small greek statue penises
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
