She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
