I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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