that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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