do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
